This isn’t anything new in my life, really. I’ve always been starting new projects, often times not finishing them and then starting something else. With this, I have also put projects on the back burner, telling myself I will prioritize them again, only to allow years to go by and on the stove they still sit.
You may relate to some of this, you may not, or perhaps just parts of my story on this topic, as everyone’s journey is unique. I am writing this not mainly for others, but for myself, filtering out my mind to help me prioritize. If it reflects how others feel, then this blog post may assist you in figuring out what is important to you.
Even writing now, I don’t feel like I am very put together with my words and thoughts, but I’m going to get this out anyways.
Being a photographer from 2008 - 2017 (and even still, but focusing on this area at the moment), I loved my job. Getting creative with conceptual fantasy images and also capturing every day family moments. I photographed nearly every style I could come across, including getting photo passes for metal bands, maternity, weddings, boudoir, product and services, the other thing I didn’t really give my time to was newborn sessions, as that is a niche all on it’s own I feel.
So there I was, having a great time in my career, but through all these years, I never made much of an income. I would bounce around different jobs here and there to make more money, but kept wanting to go back to doing my own thing. At times I would be very frustrated with not having an abundance of cash and getting a ton of bookings, as I know my skills and results are quite high end with many years of experience. Somewhere around 2012 I took a break for a few months, then jumped right back in.
In 2017 I shifted my focus more toward holistic healing and spirituality, expanding my skills by taking an Intuitive Plant Medicine course. The energy within and around this form of work felt very wonderful and I chose to continue on this path. Following the Intuitve Plant Medicine course, I received my Reiki levels and in 2019 became a Reiki Master. Reiki is something I have done since I was 14, when my aunt taught me how to use light to help heal my horse’s abcess, but I did not persist it much and it was a very on and off thing through the next decade.
I slowly backed away from Photography once I began working more as a Reiki Practitioner. I was also following Boho Beautiful and doing their yoga flows online. I felt very drawn to their lifestyle. Teaching and practicing yoga, healthy living, traveling to exotic destinations to work and film flows with a partner. My mind would fantasize about hosting retreats in far off places, while teaching yoga and meditation with my partner. At this time, it seemed like only a dream for me, that it likely could never be my reality, as I was nowhere near this life.
Autumn 2019 was when I decided to do all I could to make my dreams come true. I began with creating small day events at my family’s property, asking others to collaborate with their offerings to bring more to the table. I pumped out a couple events for later 2019 and early 2020. Confidence was coming over me, I was beginning to believe I could do ANYTHING I wanted, I just had to find a way. And early March 2020, I signed up for Yoga Teacher Training, one of my dreams!
Then lockdowns hit
dun dun dunnnnn
Though I was still very eager to continue hosting events and retreats, most people did not want to chance going out. So my year of planned events fell through, including a Women’s retreat I had entirely set up in Nova Scotia. Not being a fan of dictatorship and the tyrannical measures that was upon us, I decided to spend most of my 2020 protesting for freedom with like minded people, both locally and in the big city. My YTT, though complete into the 90 percentile, sat on the back burner.
During this time, I left my old relationship and met my current partner. He is more than I had dreamed of, but many of what is important to me is also important to him. He is big on eating healthy, being active, spiritual and personal development, meditation and sound circles, traveling and was interested in hosting events. We began creating a few little events together early when things opened up a bit more and our first two sold out!
And also during 2021, we conceived our beautiful star seed daughter. During my pregnancy and within the first year or so of being a Mum, I stepped back from my work. As my daughter grew, I wanted to get back to doing what I loved, but did not feel that Reiki was right for me at the time, as I was already so drained energetically, physically and emotionally. Therefore, I began work on some events again later 2022.
However, the Universe was showing me that events were not to take place at that time. I would put my all into creating them, only to end up without any bookings. I felt let down and defeated. Didn’t people want to come to our events? Can they not afford them? Is it too far for most people to come? What am I doing wrong? Are they not seeing it’s a thing, even though I am doing my all to get the word out? Am I not good enough? Is what I am offering a crap deal that nobody wants? What is going on?
Instead of being butt hurt that people were not signing up, I accepted that this was not in the cards right now and moved onward. Still wanting to do some of my work, I picked up Photography once again in 2022, this time I started creating mini sessions to do something a little different. I had a few bookings, but not enough to be sustained. I kept at it. Offering autumn and winter minis and as of now, February 2023, a Boudoir + Reiki Self Love Self Care package. This is a unique offering I do believe, I will end up with tons of bookings! I even offered a payment plan, which I never have before, to help folks who want to do this be able to afford it. Spending time and funds for new props and remodeling my Reiki + Crystal room, I created a lovely space for February.
Now being the first week into February, I have almost no bookings for this. Again, I felt a bit sad and wondered what I am doing wrong. Not blaming anyone, but myself, as I know there is something(s) missing from what I am doing to bring in the bookings and financial abundance. This is on me, not on others, I completely understand and accept this. So what now?
There are some courses I want to take in order to learn more about growing a business, so I began delving into all the free content I could find in the meantime to learn more about where I am lacking and what I need to work on for my business.
After pondering for a while on “being clear about what I really want” I realized something.
Photography isn’t my dream.
It is something I love, but my main goal in life isn’t to be a big shot Photographer.
So what do I want? I need to get clear about what I really want in life, in all areas.
During the last few years, life has flipped upside down, gotten shaken up a bit and tossed over to another location, so to speak. I had forgotten my dreams, but were my old dreams my current dreams? I began to ask myself this, sitting with my thoughts and feelings.
It isn’t that I want to never do Photography again, but I do not want it to be my main gig and career. Rather, I would like to utilize my Photography skills for my business in other areas. Create my own images for Reiki and Event promos and help my partner by photographing his gigs for his music. Photography isn’t something I am going to chase anymore and perhaps that is why it isn’t working for me - because it isn’t my dream, it isn’t my priority. By all means, if I have someone come to me asking for a photo shoot, I will likely accept, as I still do love Photography and do not plan to give it up entirely, but I am changing the way I am using this skill set and getting back to what I really want to do for a career.
This morning I picked back up with my YTT. Reaching 95% completion, I really don’t have a lot to do, but I need to take time to brush up on all the lessons, re do quizzes to study, finish my last two assignments and finally take the quiz.
This is what I really want. I want to teach Yoga and lead flows for folks. Not just here, but all over. I feel I have not been able to move forward, because I was not clear on what I wanted and I also left things unfinished. In my mind, I removed everything about my life. I said to myself last night, just as an exercise “I quit Photography. I quit house work. I quit Reiki. I quit _____” and I went on and on. I did this just to clear out everything that was overwhelming me. Then I said to myself, "What do I want to start? If I “quit” everything, what would be the first thing and first few things I would add back in?" Of course, YTT was my first priority, work wise and self development wise (after taking care of my daughter, family, animals, eating well etc).
With dedicating more time for my YTT, I am also choosing to dedicate more time to my personal Yoga practice for my own well being. Another priority.
So if I don’t get many bookings with Photography this year, or this month, it’s all good. If I do, wonderful, but I’m not hurt about not having as much work as I had hoped in this area. Instead, I am grateful that these events unfolded so I was able to figure out what direction I want to go and where I want to spend my time and energy. There are many projects I want to add and skills to learn after I am a certified Yoga instructor and I am very excited to get on those, too! But reminding myself, finish what I started, don’t skip steps, don’t get ahead of where I am. Be honest with where I am at, accept it and take the necessary steps to get to where I truly wish to be.
If you take anything away from this, consider the following:
Do I hold any limiting beliefs about myself and my skills?
(If so, write them down)
What would I rate my skills out of 10?
(1 being lowest quality, 10 being highest quality)
What do I want?
(main priority/dream, whether it be career, personal, whatever you are working on right now)
What gets in the way?
(What are challanges, or obstacles you feel are stopping you?)
What is 1 action I can take right now to move toward what I want and level up my skill?
(or 2, or 3, or 4)
This is a mere beginning of a process I have started while I am figuring out what I want and how to get there. I by no means have all the answers, but I know in time I will have a better understanding for what I need to do to get to where I want to be in regards to living my dream.
Thanks for reading and for those who got this far, there is a very special and new project happening for Spring 2023 with my friend Jessica that I have not announced yet. Hints have been trickling, here’s another one
Stay tuned for future blog posts on various spiritual, holistic and personal development topics, as well as more hints to what Wrapped In Wild fully entails!
Much love, gratitude and blessings.